“Sometimes I’ll be walking down the street and I’ll be thinking:
Am I crazy, or is this some morbid little lie?
Further to fly…
A recent loss of memory; a shadow in the family…
The baby waves bye-bye
I’m trying
I’m flying
There may come a time when I will lose you; lose you as I lose my sight
Days falling backward into velvet night
The open palm of desire
The Rose of Jericho
Soil as soft as summer
The strength to let you go…”
~ Paul Simon, Further to Fly
– – –
I am getting sick. I sound like Peter Brady with his changing voice.
It’s a good day to post some pictures, before M & I go take Jonah Russ for a while.
On a business trip to Long Island this past Wednesday and Thursday:
Long Island is pretty, and I liked the people I met there…but it was also very hot…
And it is always good to return home. Today I hope Jonah is a happy boy. Whatever happens, I know we all have further to fly. Like Paul Simon says: I’m trying; I’m flying…
The Never Normal 
You know… I was reading one of my old journals the other day and I came across an entry from when we first got a diagnosis for H. The entry was referring to the OT assessment that was a part of the diagnostic process at BC Children’s Hospital: “He has serious problems with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. The OT says it is unusual to see a child with such marked disruptions across so many of the domains…”
I had forgotten about this. We live so in the moment at our house. I wish this was more because of a spiritual choice, rather than simply day-to-day necessity. I have occasionally wondered if parenting a child with autism might put one on the fast track to Nirvana (not the grunge band, rather, Buddhist enlightenment – the Diamond Raft of Varjayana Buddhism where theoretically one can achieve enlightenment in a single lifetime).
I do intend to become a Buddhist someday. And please, it is not intended to sound glib or disrespectful, but it is very true that I just haven’t been able to fine time. I think as long as I am still at the place where I have to schedule spirituality… ironically, I would likely be missing the mark.
And now that I am writing this I am not sure how it connects exactly to what you are going through… but I wanted to say that we do have further to fly, and our little guys also have further to fly. I don’t know how I could lose track of such a major accomplishment, because the reality is now my child no longer needs to carry a backpack full of books to weigh him down on every outing, and he doesn’t kick the door of every bathroom stall in a public bathroom as a sensory seeking stim, and I can’t even tell you or pinpoint when this changed.
We are living in the moment- and sometimes we do not have all that much time to reflect before the next moment whisks us into its crazy vortex, and busies us with the next necessity.
And then one day, suddenly 8 years have passed, and an opportunity to look back is, in itself, a moment of enlightenment.
The potential for the growth in our guys is astounding and hope is in our bones.
And on some wonderful spring days we might even find Buddha’s tulip in our garden…
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