Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like it’s heaven on earth. – Mark Twain
I feel like I’m always here to complain about or bemoan something. Maybe that’s because I most need to write when I am sad, or angry, or stressed. But today I’m here to share a little bit of good.
I think this link will allow you to view the 8-second video of a very joyful Jonah (though I can’t get the sound to work. He’s tapping his tummy rhythmically and happily). Thank you so much, Briana, for sending it to me.
Jonah’s happiness is unencumbered and pure – the kind the comes with zero self-consciousness and complete abandon. He’s the poster child for the expression “dance like no one is watching.” I watch these 8 seconds of joy over and over, as if to embed it in my brain. Mold it to my memory.
I miss him so much. I didn’t visit on Sunday, even though that’s the day I normally would, because the weather was so crappy. We couldn’t walk in the cold downpour, and without his walk, the visit would be kind of a bust. So I’m taking today off and picking him up at school for lunch and a walk. I’ll bring him his favorite McDonald’s food – he’s been asking for it lately – and we will walk together first one way, then the other, around the campus.
Jonah has always known joy. As a small child, playing with discarded confetti from SUNY Albany’s graduation ceremony…
….and as an adult, triumphantly raising his handmade ornaments to the sky at the Anderson Center’s Christmas tree lighting.
I need to have faith in the joy.
I’m grateful I need not tell him grandma is gone. He will remember her always – of that I am certain. His memory of people is a pristine portion of his brain that operates seemingly perfectly. And it’s untarnished by grief, by the knowledge he’ll never see her, or anyone else he has lost, ever again. So many people have moved through his river of a life. Teachers, grandparents, direct service providers, friends, babysitters. I don’t know how he feels when a particular person is no longer there. I don’t know how he feels a lot of the time. But I know when he feels joy.
Maybe that’s enough.
Joy to the boo…and to all of you.
The Never Normal 