Remember when I said I was going to get through the winter without using lights and my thermostat set as low as I could safely manage it? Well, damnit, I did it. And now, for further fun and self-flagellation, I’m attempting to go all summer without putting the A/C unit in the window. It was 82 degrees in my house yesterday.
It all involves very little clothing, drapes closed, and a big fan.
I have a pleasantly cool, finished basement where my two new kitties and I can escape (Almanzo never returned, and I waited until my heart was ready to take in another animal companion). The cats are 3 years old and had been surrendered at the Mohawk-Hudson Humane Society a week before. I didn’t really want two, but they are sisters and I didn’t want to separate them. I’ve named them Laura Bess and Gracie – after guess who?
They are very nearly identical….white with graffiti-sprayed gray atop their heads. I put a collar on Gracie just to tell them apart, though Gracie’s bigger and usually now I can tell who is who.
Laura Ingalls Wilder was a little thing, after all — just 4’11”.
And what of Boo? He is himself. He is navigating his world the best he can, and we along with him. A sudden, explosive outburst at his father – when Andy told me on the phone, I nearly threw up. Jonah attacking him, causing scratches, bruises, bleeding. Chunks of hair pulled out. I wasn’t there and I don’t even know exactly what happened, but I’ve seen it all enough to imagine…
…and I don’t want to imagine and I never want to have that happen to anyone again and there isn’t a damn thing any of us can do about it.
I spend a lot of time in the woods. A lot of time alone.
I remain afraid of my son. I’d love to watch him swim, watch him sleep again. I never get to watch him sleep. Strange, the pieces of my mama-life I miss the most. Small memories. Momentpieces.
Everything is as it is. I am beginning a meditation practice with Tim, daily, though he is in Indiana and I here. I have lost my practice and need to regain the refreshing supply of mindfulness which comes from sitting in silence and outside of time. Most recently we visited for nearly 2 1/2 weeks together both in Bloomington, Indiana (where he lives) and San Diego, California (where he is from, and where we stayed – where I got to meet his mom and her husband, Chris). Here are some photos, of us — and of course, of Boo.
And much silliness:
“The best things in life are silly.”
~ Scott Adams