I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday.
Setting the clocks back sucks – all this darkness. And Jonah was falling asleep early as it was, around 7pm every night because of the meds, which now means he is out by 6:15 or 6:30pm despite my very best efforts to engage him and keep him awake. I guess I should just let him sleep when he’s tired (we’ve always eaten when we’re hungry, so why not?), and he does stay asleep for 10 or 11 hours lately, so I’m not sure what’s bothering me so much about it – especially since it cuts way back on the amount of time during which he could possibly/might very well attack me with one of his random aggressions.
Maybe I’m bothered because we don’t have much fun together anymore. I used to chase him through the house, shouting “ROAR!” — and watch him run, screeching with laughter, away from the “monster.” I hope he wants to play again soon. I’ve been so wrapped up in his aggressions that I haven’t had a chance, even, to miss the fun.
When I picked him up today at 5:20pm at the Center for the Disability Services, he was already downright listless. No school tomorrow, so I didn’t worry too much about cramming bath time in there somewhere.
He ate his dinner and I gave him his pills. I brushed his teeth, deftly administered his eye drop, and asked if he wanted to play with straws on the floor, making letters and shapes. “No straws?” he answered in a small voice, lilting slightly at the end as if asking a question. I suggested:
train-on-TV (any one of a number of train shows we’ve recorded or on DVD), then
camera (even offering him the use of my black camera, a higher end model than the aged silver camera I usually let him use), then
messages (meaning I will let him play through all 15 or so of our answering machine messages, usually a much-sought-after activity for him and a groaner for everyone else, since they’re mostly old political messages and he likes to play them LOUD)
but each time:
“no train-on TV?”
“No camwa?”
“No messa-kiss?”
He just wanted to curl on the couch and go to sleep.
And then I do too. I don’t watch much TV and though I adore my books, lately I’m too…
(guess what I’m about to say?)
...tired to write, read, talk, think, you name it. I know it is ridiculously early to go to bed but then what do I care? It’s dark and it’s cold and Jonah’s asleep and I’m tired too, boo.
Momma’s tired too.
The Never Normal 