Two attacks today. It’s not the severity of them that kills me – it’s the constant false hope that they’re gone now, that he isn’t going to do this anymore, that we can reclaim some kind of normalcy. We live a land mine life.
Some things in my life are on empty. There is no more calm in me. Teeth and jaw clenched, shoulders and neck crossbow-tight — this has become my body’s normal state. There is no more mental rest either, no more letting my guard down, no more of anything approaching complacency. There might be more coming; I hope more calm comes and more rest arrives, but it all feels so very far away.
They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, but I think they’re wrong. <– If you click on those words, you’ll see an article I found by someone who agrees with me. She quotes from the Bible, and I liked this one thing very much:
In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul wrote, “He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
If that’s true, I’ve got lots to boast about. The power of perfect weakness. I love it.