I gotta laugh at myself. I’m like The Cure of the bloggers…”Pictures of You” – and the last picture, a cemetery.
Oh the drama. Thank God I get so I can laugh at myself, and it makes me feel free, joyful. Today M sent me an Edible Arrangements bouquet. Delectable strawberries dipped in chocolate and pineapple carved to look like maple leaves. I let my work peeps have some and brought the rest home. Fruit on a stick that you don’t have to peel or deal with. The lazy girl’s fruit, that’s for me. (I damn near cut my hand off last time I tried to open an actual pineapple).
Seems like I can’t stay in the good place, though. I do love seeing Boo, enjoying all Jonah’s little sayings, nuances, and innocence:
When Jonah eats a sandwich, he tap tap taps on it with his fingers, then opens it to see what’s inside, often discarding the bread altogather. I just watch him, listening with my heart, wanting to snatch him up and hold him in my arms.
But then I have to leave.
This not being with Jonah is something I need more time to get used to. I still start to walk into his room at night, to watch him sleep or tuck him in, and he’s not there. I still forget. I cry a lot. I can’t help it. But I never quite fall all the way down. I ‘m just like a Weeble. Wobbling, wobbling.
What helps is when I remember I am so incredibly lucky. I can come home from a good job and know Jonah is safe, and in as good a place as he can be. I can watch some deliciously campy Match Game ’74 or hilarious All in the Family.
Andy called Jonah’s house earlier and was told Jonah was good. I’m going to call it a fantastic day, read some, and go to wonderfully warm and soft dream-time bed. I love sleep. T’was a time I could stay up til’ one or two and wake for work the next day, no problem. No more.
“Those were the dayyyyyyys!!!” ~ Archie & Edith
The Never Normal 
It’s been a while since I’ve commented, but I’ve read all your blog entries. I wish I had something to say, but you’ve ventured beyond my experience, and I can say nothing but “I hope that this will be a good part of your journey”.
You are you, changed beyond anything you can ever have imagined. And I can only observe, and analyze, and in the end, do nothing that really helps. But I’m still here. And I want the best for you, whatever that might be. Free from regret, free from guilt, free from the constant second-guessing that comes along with raising children, special or … well I can hardly say not-special, can I? Because all of our children are special, because they belong to us. I have 3 very unique children, one more than the others. And while he makes me smile, most days, other days, I do wonder…..what’s going to happen with you? What are you going to make of your peculiar gifts? I don’t know. I only know that I’m on a journey, just like you. And I hope that in the end, we both get what we want. Happy children, who have finally found that niche where they belong.
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