Archive for October 24th, 2011

I gotta laugh at myself.   I’m like The Cure of the bloggers…”Pictures of You” – and the last picture, a cemetery.

Oh the drama.  Thank God I get so I can laugh at myself, and it makes me feel free, joyful.  Today M sent me an Edible Arrangements bouquet.  Delectable strawberries dipped in chocolate and pineapple carved to look like maple leaves.  I let my work peeps have some and brought the rest home.  Fruit on a stick that you don’t have to peel or deal with.  The lazy girl’s fruit, that’s for me.  (I damn near cut my hand off last time I tried to open an actual pineapple).

Seems like I can’t stay in the good place, though.  I do love seeing Boo, enjoying all Jonah’s little sayings, nuances, and innocence:

When Jonah eats a sandwich, he tap tap taps on it with his fingers, then opens it to see what’s inside, often discarding the bread altogather.  I just watch him, listening with my heart, wanting to snatch him up and hold him in my arms.

But then I have to leave.

This not being with Jonah is something I need more time to get used to.  I still start to walk into his room at night, to watch him sleep or tuck him in, and he’s not there.  I still forget.  I cry a lot.  I can’t help it.  But I never quite fall all the way down.  I ‘m just like a Weeble.  Wobbling, wobbling.

What helps is when I remember I am so incredibly lucky.  I can come home from a good job and know Jonah is safe, and in as good a place as he can be.  I can watch some deliciously campy Match Game ’74 or hilarious All in the Family.

Andy called Jonah’s house earlier and was told Jonah was good.   I’m going to call it a fantastic day, read some, and go to wonderfully warm and soft dream-time bed.  I love sleep.  T’was a time I could stay up til’ one or two and wake for work the next day, no problem.  No more.

“Those were the dayyyyyyys!!!”  ~ Archie & Edith

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“I’m…watching all the colors and the shapes

My face against the window

My face against the window

These moments

they can never last
Like a sad old man with his photographs

wishing for the things he cannot change…

Standing tall up here

My face against the window

My face against the window

So the architects and the engineers

Build their monuments, make their souvenirs

We are occupants;
It’s a trap, this town.

We are burning up
We are fading out…

We are shooting stars…”

~Architects & Engineers by Guster

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