“I want to be where I’ve never been before; I want to be there and then I’d understand…know I’m right, and do it right – could I get to be like that? I don’t know and I don’t know; it’s harder every day.”
~ Two Points For Honesty, Guster
I just typed for an hour about an unkind co-worker and how much it hurts, and my psychologist’s cool “time-release therapy”… about my shifting perceptions of Andy and my parents…about experiences with them, trying to put it all into perspective and be at peace with everything my life is now.
Then I deleted every word I’d written.
I know who reads my blog and I’m not here to hurt people or throw them under proverbial busses. I don’t want to be subversive or accusing here – especially when none of it had a thing to do with Jonah, who is doing very well at school and in his house, they tell me, by the way. I’ll see him Saturday and I should focus on that. Plus my dad gave M and me tickets to see a show Saturday night, and I’m supposed to meet M’s sister on Sunday, so that will be cool. Focus on the good. Accentuate the positive.
Be grateful, you whining little crybaby.
I should start an anonymous blog and vent there about anything I want. But this sure ain’t that place, so here’s a recent picture of a smiling Jonah Russell instead.
That’s right, Boo. Smile away. Smile for us both.
I’m going to bed.
The Never Normal 
Ruh-roh,,,what happened? You have to tell us because each one of us will think we did someting awful to upset you! Love you, and hope you are OK…honest!
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Oh…I missed a part of your post, for some reason. never mind! 🙂
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Geez, Amy! Please make a promise–to me, to yourself, your therapist, anybody–to stop judging yourself so harshly! As in “Be grateful, you whining little bitch.” Come on, Amy! You have certainly not had an easy row to hoe. And easy row or not, everybody’s feelings get hurt. And part of therapy is expressing the anger, rage, humiliation . . . that the betrayal of those we’ve trusted engenders in us. I should know. In the five and a half years of seeing a therapist weekly and for years thereafter, I filled uncountable numbers of spiral-bound notebooks with my pain, my rage, etc. Give yourself a break, woman! Will you try to work out your severe self-judgement with your therapist? I hope that you do, because otherwise you will remain your own worst enemy. I love you and I understand you and my hope is that you understand and love yourself.
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