So since this blog isn’t about me, I’m going to make the “me” part brief. Thank you to all who have voiced concern about me while I was in the hospital. Jonah attacked me on Saturday the 11th and knocked me backwards into the tub when I was changing his diaper in the bathroom, and my face was scratched up all to hell. So the Reader’s Digest version of it all is I had a breakdown on Monday December 13th and checked myself into Four Winds mental health facility (the same place Andy went for a stay two months ago — we should get a family discount). They take away your cell phone, so anyone who tried to text or call me, I apologize for it going unanswered. At first I hesitated to reveal where I was and why, but I despise the stigma that is associated with mental illness and I refuse to sweep it under the rug, even if it leads people to believe that “I went crazy.”
I was released on Tuesday and am very grateful to the excellent staff of nurses, therapists, doctors, and other workers at Four Winds for helping to lead me out of the pain and back into the world, now so much healthier and better equipped with coping tools and new friends (I never would have believed how attached I could get to the other people there and how much I will miss them all). I desperately needed the respite and the intensive therapy; I am so much better now. I have rid myself of all kinds of demons and gained new methods of living that I embrace wholeheartedly (meditation, imagery, distress tolerance, radical acceptance, and other DBT techniques). So there it is. I’m going back to work on Monday and am eager to do so – I miss working, and am grateful to my boss for her incredible understanding and to my co-workers for chipping in to pick up my workload while I was gone.
Jonah was well taken care of during my stay and is doing about the same. We are applying at four different places to see if we can get him in a residential educational facility (which could take months) and in the meantime we have been approved (I think) for a temporary respite home in Guilderland where we can use 30-40 days a year (from what I understand) to place him there overnight so we can have a break during school vacations and other times we need help.
He still has happy days and sunny smiles, still asks for the train and for grandma and car rides…
…and he still has random aggressions that are sometimes provoked and sometimes come out of nowhere. I am so glad to see him again; I missed him terribly and want to spend as much time with him as possible, though I no longer am able (physically or emotionally) to be alone with him, so I have someone around to help in case he attacks. Andy and I took him to see a child psychiatrist yesterday who wants to see him again in 6 weeks; he is hesitant to monkey around with his meds too quickly, which I think is smart.
That’s all for today. I’m still tired and resting a lot; I wish all of you who celebrate Christmas a happy and blessed one.
I’ll be back soon.