The Never Normal

Jonah has an amazing sense of where he is in the world.

I don’t mean metaphorically, like knowing his place in society or within a clique of children.  I mean he literally almost always knows where he is, geographically.  From the backseat of the car, he could instruct me to get from our home in Albany all the way to Andy’s parents’ house in Valatie, 30 miles or so away, by pointing and calling out that way and this way at intersections until we’re there.  Unfortunately, Jonah doesn’t know his right from his left (but then hell, neither do I, most of the time), so I’ve got to watch which direction he’s pointing.

I’m not even sure he’s got “straight” figured out.  Sometimes I’ll ask him “which way, bunny, straight?” and he’ll agree happily: Straight!

But then I’ll go straight through the intersection and he’ll flip out, yelling  That way!  That way! A glance in the rear view mirror and I see the problem; though he said straight, he’s frantically pointing right.  He wants his favorite park and knows it’s to the right – the one he calls Number One Park, the one where he shouted penis! over and over that infamous day until I dragged him away like some hapless Gong Show loser.

Incidentally, Number One Park was the scene of another embarrassing incident just a few weeks ago.  Number One Park is at a local elementary school.  It’s one of those huge wooden structures with slides & swings & rings & ropes & tunnels all interconnected.  My favorite times are when no people come and we have the play area to ourselves, but on this day the place had its fair share of assorted kids and parents.  I sat on a bench while Jonah ran around and played.   After disappearing from view for a second, he appeared at the topmost tower.

Without warning or provocation, he suddenly cupped both hands around his face and shouted: Daddy’s gonna take you home tonight!

Then, after a second’s pause, really screaming now, he emphasized:  TONIGHT!

The park went silent for a good minute.   Nobody seemed to know how to react; some people chuckled a little.  I’m not sure why Jonah felt it necessary to announce, at top volume, that my husband would arrive that evening to bring me back to our residence, but it made me laugh till I cried.