The Never Normal

andy and i tried to take monkey to this festival at the riverfront in downtown albany today. (we live just within the city limits).

it seemed okay at first – jonah liked it there and we walked him around in his stroller. there was a band and so we paused just inside this mini-outdoor ampitheatre. andy sat jonah in his lap and jonah was good as gold, just sucking his thumb and listening.

then we thought we’d get some food, so we put him back in the stroller and walked down the length of the river where the booths and vendors and events ran for a half a mile or so. it was all very pretty, and the admission was free. plus there were cops all over the place so it all felt very family-friendly.

when we got food we went back to the ampitheatre to sit and jonah starting pacing and running around erratically. there were too many people milling around and he was starting to get in the way of people wanting to go up or down the stairs of the place.

the music was ending so we decided it was time to go, as the walk back to the car would be pleasant but still a considerable distance. and that’s when all hell broke loose. when we went to put him back in the stroller, jonah arched his back and screamed and cried like we were stabbing him with dull knives.

i mean it was a scene. a big scene with people talking and shaking their heads and commenting. i tried not to make a lot of eye contact as we strapped him in forcibly and then pushed him while he twisted himself as far out as possible, haning over the side of the stroller with drool coming down, and snot, and tears…

at one point andy took him out of the stroller and carried him but jonah ripped his glasses off his head and my earring out of my ear and kicked and screamed and got beet red. tantrum city.

by the time we got back to the car, jonah was calmed down enough to be transferred to the car seat no problem. then he acted like nothing had happened as we drove home.

the thing is, i’d just as soon stay home or somewhere right next to the car so we can make a quick escape if needed. it’s so stressful to try to take him anywhere at all — this shit happens every time, no matter how often we tell ourselves “maybe this time it won’t happen…”

i guess we should try the whole countdown thing. “jonah, we’re leaving in 5 minutes” — though in this case we didn’t have 5 minutes to chase around his increasingly agitated autistic pacing, bumping into people, grunting his groan, grinding his teeth…

my poor little boy. i love him so much. i’m glad he’s in bed right now, though, let me tell ya.