* I’m not trying to call myself a blog star (did I coin a new phrase there?), but rather to give a small nod to the first video ever played on MTV. Almost-twelve-year-old me was there to watch it all go down, and damn it was cool. August 1, 1981 – we just passed MTV’s 31st birthday. Video changed everything.
It still does. I don’t know what it is about watching the video of Jonah in the last post, but I watch it & watch it & watch it again. It’s as if the video allows (forces?) me to step outside myself, seeing Boo through a stranger’s eyes. I can describe him until I’ve written a doctoral dissertation –but only the video can really show you his abilities, both excellent (swimming & his sense of humor) and not-so-excellent (lack of communication, and inappropriate noise levels). Watching the video is different than the living of it. Different scary. Different real. Or surreal.
How do I explain what I mean?
He’s ten years old. He’s my baby. Too soon to be an adult and, watching that video, I became afraid of all that means and how soon it is coming. In fact it’s speeding up, as time does when we age somehow, and if I’m not careful I will worry in a million ways which will only waste time.
Operating under the assumption that I’m not involved, would I whip out my camera to film him aggressing and post it here? I want to say yes – but I don’t know.
Anyhow, I found older snippet-videos, most of him swimming last year. Here are two:
In this first video we see I am trying to take a photo of Jonah (who very accommodatingly smiled wide for the camera) and then realizing – duh – I have the setting on video.
In this second one you can hear him say “all ny-uh” – which used to be his way to say “all done.” Now he just says “all done.” He has come a long way at Anderson. It happens so quickly, all of this everything. Sometimes I feel as if I’m in slow motion, watching it speed past me.
For once this writer doesn’t know what to say or how to say it.
(Like that hard as hell Spanish course I’m doing on Rosetta Stone. They make you say words when you don’t even know what they mean or how to use them. I say the words over and over and over sometimes before they let me go on. Never do you know the meaning of a word. It’s all pictures, and repetition, letting you in on the secret of Spanish 0h so frustratingly slowly.
Then you have to spell words correctly, accents and all with this keyboard tool they give you. Then you have to hear the differences between ridiculously similar ways to pronounce two completely different words, like the words for baby and drink. I have to admit, in English there are single words that mean different things. Rose. Lash. Stream.
Those are just off the top of my head. Does Spanish also have this? Am I even capable of learning it? I forget all the words. I don’t understand why it is “Tengo frio” (sorry, I don’t have my accents handy) and yet “Estoy hambre.” If I’m even remembering that right. One means I am cold and one means I am hungry, right? Or no? When do you use tengo and when do you use estoy? And why?)
End of rant about learning Spanish. But if you know the answers feel free to chime in. Por favor!
In exactly one month I will no longer be the answer to the universe. (Unless I die before that, in which case I will always be the answer to the universe).
We’re coming up on the first anniversary of Jonah’s going to Anderson.
I miss him a lot tonight.
The Never Normal 
I love this the Jonah things always get to me and remind how wonderful you are strong and loving unconditionally . It is such an honor to have you as a fellow blogger. as for the spanish I couldn’t tell you one word of it and I refuse to learn it, I am still trying to master the ability to write in intelligent english 🙂
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I love the videos! Jonah just smiling at you as if to say, “Enough already, turn the damn thing off!” Keep them coming…especially since they play a rolefor you, too. Love you!
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That would be “role for you” in English…
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For multiple reasons, I found this a very moving post to read.
I understand—a bit—about what you meant by “stepping outside yourself” when you watched the video. Patty and I recently recalled the time Sam was 3 ½ and we watched him with his speech therapist from behind a one-way mirror. We saw—perhaps for the first time—a different child, one with a profound disability: our future was on the other side of that mirror and we knew at once it would be a difficult future. In your case—the swimming video—you witnessed ability; in ours, the shock of disability. In both our cases we were on the outside looking in.
We parents of these children have to go through things that no one else does. Trying to explain our children to others is woefully inadequate; others HAVE TO be there to even begin to understand—even then they never will truly understand. Because we’ve built a firewall in order to survive our children having such a disability, sometimes we find ourselves observers: more detached, more removed than is natural for a parent. (I hope that made sense.)
Our Sam is getting older: he’s 19 ½ now. Lately Patty and I have been talking things that we never, ever wanted to talk about. What do we do when he’s finished with his 18-21 year-old transitional program—how do we care for him and still work? The possibility of him moving out one day—we’ve never wanted this, but have to talk about it. Are we holding him back by babying him too much? The fact that we’re older (I’m 55; Patty, 52) and will be gone someday . . . and he’ll grow old without us. All are heartbreaking discussions that break off before resolution. . . .
You are a sweet thoughtful parent to Jonah. He’ll always be your baby.
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Tengo is the “I” version of tener, which means “to have.” Tengo hambre, I have hunger…tengo tos, I have a cough…tengo dos llaves, I have two keys.
Estoy is the “I” version of estar, which means “am,” but the “am” that is in regard to a temporary condition or location…estoy cansado, I am tired…estoy en el bano, I am in the bathroom…estoy tarde, I am late.
Soy is the “I” version of ser, which also means “am,” but in a condition that is considered permanent…soy Americano, I am an American…soy hombre, I am a man…soy casado, I am married…(this is considered a permanent condition among Spanish speaking countries…).
And it’s not “estoy hambre,” it’s “tengo hambre,” which literally means “I have hunger,” but which we understand to mean “I’m hungry.” Also, “tengo sed,” which literally means, “I have thirst,” but which actually means, to us anyway, “I am thirsty.” 🙂
I hope that helps even a tiny bit….
Scott
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Thank you!!!!!
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You’re very welcome. 🙂
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