“The bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mooun—taaain…and what do you think he saw?” ~ Children’s song
I’m the mama over the mountain. And I can’t help but feel bad for enjoying the view. If I keep speaking in riddle and metaphor, maybe I won’t have to admit there is freedom and a calm happiness to my life now, and I like that. I’m going to visit Jonah again with my dad this Sunday, but I skipped visiting him last weekend.
Instead I unpacked boxes from the apartment, did loads of laundry, watched tree surgeons cut up the giant maple killed by Irene, and visited my friend D at dialysis. I watched Almanzo and Jack get along unbelievably nicely:
Jack’s such a big lummox his ball toy is a basketball:
And Almanzo loves to squeeze himself into boxes he’s a bit too big for:
(Andy will appreciate that, if he reads this. Put the cat in the box…)
I did normal people things, got a lot accomplished, and felt as good as if I’d rested for a long, long time.
I really miss Jonah. I was okay with skipping one weekend.
Are those things mutually exclusive?
Either Andy or I call every night to hear how he’s doing. Lately he’s been aggressive, but they sound like they expect it and it’s nothing they can’t handle. They like him, even, I think. They think he’s bright.
He’s funny, his teacher e-mailed me. He’s such a pleasure to have in the classroom. I don’t even care if she doesn’t mean it. To picture him laughing and learning is wonderful. I want to know he is happy and not hurting others. And I’m looking forward to seeing him again; I’ll bring a picnic lunch for Sunday afternoon and hopefully it’ll be dry enough to swing and climb on the playground.
My father wants me to help guide how often he goes to see Jonah, at least for now. He’s concerned, maybe even over-concerned, about whether his visiting will impede Jonah’s acclimation to Anderson. My mother, on the other hand, is different about Jonah. Every ounce of her wants to be with him, as much as possible, all day if she could. She’s more of the just try and keep me away from my precious grandson type.
The fact that Andy lives five minutes away is key to everyone’s comfort level about this whole thing. His presence in the same town is more appreciated than he probably knows.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I dare enjoy this new life where I’m not attacked every time I see my son. I’m the mama over the mountain. Selfish, maybe. Surreal, definitely.
And what do you think she saw?
The Never Normal 
Amy……so glad to hear that you’re happier these days and that Jonah is doing well. I’m sure that the staff really does like him. He’s such a love and missed at work.
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There really are all kinds of families and all kinds of family circumstances. Jonah is where he has a chance to become his best, most wonderful, achieving self. You have a chance to breathe, sleep, plan, do all the ordinary things you are doing.
Clearly the way things were was not sustainable; you would not have made it through w/out more hospitalizations, Jonah would have remained in free fall, etc.
You did exactly the right and best thing for your beloved child. And you will be a better-functioning mother to him for that. You are all still a family, parents, grandparents, relatives, companions, close friends. Not the family structure you wanted or expected, but genuine nonetheless. You are an excellent mother, day by day.
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The other side of the mountain! That is just as it should be…predictable. That is something you are not accustomed to.
This is your new reality, and it is a good one. Please keep writing…I want to see you and Your precious extended family thrive!
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I think the mamma over the mountain saw peace and happiness. I think the mamma deserved to be peaceful and happy. I think that NO ONE is selfish for wanting peace and happiness, for wishing to not be attacked by her child, and for enjoying peace and happiness when they come. I think the mamma over the mountain is a good mamma, that she has always given and continues to give her little boy all the mamma-love in her heart. I think she was a good mamma to find the best place for her little boy to live and learn and grow into a peaceful, happy, kind person.
I’m grateful that the mamma is over the mountain.
My love to the mamma over the mountain.
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Hi, I have been away for a while but so glad life is settling down for you, Jonah and Andy and all those others in your life. I feel for your mother – as grandmother to two baby boys, I think I’d feel the same. You see, as you probably know, grandmothers have this bond with their grandchildren that is different to the one they have with their own children. Not better or worse, just different. It must have been this way forever yet I have only just discovered it.
Stay free and calm and enjoy life again. Your amazing journey continues but more peacefully now. 🙂
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I’m just going to ditto everyone else, because they said it so much better than I could. Also, I LOVE that top picture of Almanz and Jack. Adorable!
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