The Never Normal

Until very recently, my visits with Boo included a playlist of music with about two hours’ worth of songs on it, and we listened to it every time while walking around the campus. Then, somehow, I deleted it by accident. I suppose I could search the history in YouTube and reconstruct it – and I may yet do that – but for now I created a slightly different playlist and added some new songs I thought he’d enjoy.

I hoped the change wouldn’t upset him or “jam him up,” as my cousin Brian would say. It didn’t seem to, so for the past few weeks we’ve gone with the new playlist.

But one thing about Boo is you never know what he’ll enjoy. His music preferences are capriciously varied and difficult to pinpoint or generalize. Usually he prefers a pop or reggae song, something with a good beat and solid rhythm.

For our most recent 2 visits, however, he has chosen a slow, ethereal song called Lightning Rod by Guster that’s the intro to their album Ganging Up on the Sun. Jonah has some skills navigating YouTube, and he veered off the course of the playlist I’d made, and up came Lightning Rod. It’s the kind of song a lot of people would skip to get to the next song, Satellite. But Jonah hit repeat and played it again. And again. And again, and again – using it as the single song soundtrack of our entire walk.

Here are the words:

“Standing on a building
I am a lightning rod
And all these clouds are so familiar
Descending from the mountain tops
The gods are threatening
But I will return an honest soldier

Home

Steady on this high-rise
Like every lightning rod
And all these clouds are boiling over
Swimming in adrenaline
The sky is caving in
But I will remain the honest soldier

Home”

---

And all I could think of was that terrible day, August 16, 2011, when Andy and I put him in the car and drove him to Anderson to live somehow away from us, Jonah crying “home? home?” repeatedly in a scared little voice, our hearts ripping open all over the car. The sky caving in.

Home.

Melancholy thoughts as August approaches its end.

On Thursday I will drive down to meet Jonah at the Duchess County Fair again, where staff from Anderson will be bringing several kids. Last year he and I walked around the fair together, just the two of us, before meeting back up with the others for lunch. Boo and I went on a few rides and then for some reason he wanted to see the cows, who were all lying down in their stalls.

I snapped his photo standing next to one, and as I was messing with my phone to see how the picture came out, he lay right down on a huge cow, who luckily did not seem to mind in the least. He straddled her gently as if she were going to rise up and give him a ride around the barn. I quickly shooed him off, all the while trying not to laugh as the bovine police approached to yell at us.

Time for horseback riding lessons?

I’ll be back with news of the fair and any cow antics. Be well, my peeps.