So I applied for another part-time writing/editing/proofreading telecommuting job to supplement the one I have now. As part of the process, I sent them the link to that article I wrote for HLNtv.com in the Spring of 2012, when I enjoyed my 15 minutes of fame.
I noticed there were several newer comments I hadn’t seen, since I haven’t looked at the page in a while.
One was hate mail:
“I can’t believe amy seems to PROUD of having institutionalized her son at the ripe old age of 9. That she wants folks to praise her for banishing her son from her home and seeing him maybe once a week.
That’s not love. That’s borderline child abandonment. Gee, I wonder why autistic kid who was sent away by his parents out of “love” isn’t especially happy to see them once a week.
I’ve no idea how amy sleeps at night!”
S.S. (Yes, those are her initials; her Facebook icon was a picture of puppies, too)…
While I can understand the judgement, I have no idea how Susie got the idea from this article that I was proud, or wanted praise. I answered her comment, though she may never see it because hers was from a while ago, and I chalk it up to ignorance. (If she only knew the half of it).
I have been candid and told my truths here, even when they are raw and ugly, mostly so others won’t feel alone. I guess I have to expect the occasional hate mail. Judging is easier than understanding, and I forgive “Susie Ignorant” for her cutting remarks.
But it still hurts.
I had an older student teacher (I teach special ed) who had had to institutionalize her son at a young age. I had a hard time understanding at first because this was new to me. But the more I listened to their history, to her pain and anguish, I came to understand that for this family and this child it was the right decision. Don’t ever let anyone else judge you … they’ve never walked in your shoes.
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I just read the article you wrote last spring along with all the comments. Please try to focus on all the other comments besides the misguided one by SS. Everyone else applauded your openness and willingness to share your heartbreaking story in order to help others who walk in similar mocassins. SS is just clueless about autism and the needs of children on the spectrum, as well as, in my opinion, clueless about how to interact lovingly and wisely with her fellow humans. Keep on keeping on, my friend. Let clueless people’s hateful speech be just another teaching moment, rather than an arrow into your already bruised heart. By the way, I thought your response to her hateful comment was stupendous–logical, smart, instructive and without retaliatory hatefulness.
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I realize that a wound is a wound, and whatever the source it just plain hurts. Nonetheless, it helps to consider the source. Ms. S.S. Puppies certainly let fly with a hateful message to you, but I imagine you have already seen that whatever is going on there is not, at its root, about you. She has gone off the rails with her own psychological problems, and will find reasons to hurl negative, bizarre, taunts and insults where they make no sense at all. This is a woman who would berate Santa Claus for being a Socialist.
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My Dear Amy, I get mad all over again when I read this. That person doesn’t know you. That person does not know the lengths you have gone to give Jonah the very best you know. She does not know the love for him that is so deep there is no end. She does not know the agony you went through in deciding whether his life will be better in one direction or in another. And she does not know Boo.
Please do not let one ignorant response let you forget all that I have written, and so much more. You are the parent I would have loved to have. You are the parent Jonah was born to have.
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AMY, I want you to know that even though I don’t have nor do I know of anyone with an autistic child, I have learned so very much from your blog. I can empathize with you and your situation and have never nor would I ever “judge” you or any mother that ‘gives up’ her child for any reason as long as it was for the betterment of the child/children. People like SS who judges, judges from ignorance and has no compassion in life for other human beings. You and Andy have been so strong in your pursuit of doing what is best for Jonah and you do it out of love not abandonment and that is the greatest sacrifice of all. Keep on keeping on my friend and just ignore the ignorance of people like SS, you and those who follow you no what is in your heart.
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Her words are cutting and painful but more than that they are ignorant and cynical. A scary world we live in when the most difficult and painful decisions we must make are viewed by some as boastful proud moments. No one has the right to judge another’s actions unless they too have dealt with the same things. Albeit trite, walk a mile in someone’s shoes seems appropriate here. Blessings and hugs to you and your beautiful wonderful son. ❤
-Patti
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