So since this blog isn’t about me, I’m going to make the “me” part brief. Thank you to all who have voiced concern about me while I was in the hospital. Jonah attacked me on Saturday the 11th and knocked me backwards into the tub when I was changing his diaper in the bathroom, and my face was scratched up all to hell. So the Reader’s Digest version of it all is I had a breakdown on Monday December 13th and checked myself into Four Winds mental health facility (the same place Andy went for a stay two months ago — we should get a family discount). They take away your cell phone, so anyone who tried to text or call me, I apologize for it going unanswered. At first I hesitated to reveal where I was and why, but I despise the stigma that is associated with mental illness and I refuse to sweep it under the rug, even if it leads people to believe that “I went crazy.”
I was released on Tuesday and am very grateful to the excellent staff of nurses, therapists, doctors, and other workers at Four Winds for helping to lead me out of the pain and back into the world, now so much healthier and better equipped with coping tools and new friends (I never would have believed how attached I could get to the other people there and how much I will miss them all). I desperately needed the respite and the intensive therapy; I am so much better now. I have rid myself of all kinds of demons and gained new methods of living that I embrace wholeheartedly (meditation, imagery, distress tolerance, radical acceptance, and other DBT techniques). So there it is. I’m going back to work on Monday and am eager to do so – I miss working, and am grateful to my boss for her incredible understanding and to my co-workers for chipping in to pick up my workload while I was gone.
Jonah was well taken care of during my stay and is doing about the same. We are applying at four different places to see if we can get him in a residential educational facility (which could take months) and in the meantime we have been approved (I think) for a temporary respite home in Guilderland where we can use 30-40 days a year (from what I understand) to place him there overnight so we can have a break during school vacations and other times we need help.
He still has happy days and sunny smiles, still asks for the train and for grandma and car rides…
…and he still has random aggressions that are sometimes provoked and sometimes come out of nowhere. I am so glad to see him again; I missed him terribly and want to spend as much time with him as possible, though I no longer am able (physically or emotionally) to be alone with him, so I have someone around to help in case he attacks. Andy and I took him to see a child psychiatrist yesterday who wants to see him again in 6 weeks; he is hesitant to monkey around with his meds too quickly, which I think is smart.
That’s all for today. I’m still tired and resting a lot; I wish all of you who celebrate Christmas a happy and blessed one.
I’ll be back soon.
Your capacity to see clearly and to make constructive and creative use of the tools offered in your hospital therapy is inspiring.
[Ignore this next bit if it’s too pushy or irrelevant:
As someone who also has been treated over the past few years for iritis/uveitis, I can testify that drugs of choice, steroids/prednasone, are well-known for causing a host of mental, emotional, psychological and physical side effects, including aggressive anger, fear, depression, racing thoughts, sleep disturbance – – on and on.
Many fine docs assume that just a daily drop in the eye cannot trigger those side effects, but those of us sensitive to these meds do indeed have the panoply of reactions, and it can take a while to connect the dots.]
– Marilyn
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Congratulations, Amy, on getting the help you needed for yourself and on refusing to feel diminished for needing psychological care. Congratulations, too, on applying to the residential educational facilities for Jonah. I know this is the most difficult decision you have ever had to make, and I know that it is the right one for Jonah and for you and Andy as well. Someone in Woodstock loves you, my friend, and wishes you peace for your Christmas gift.
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Amy, I so appreciate your honesty here. It is so refreshing to those of us who are truly concerned about your family. You sound like you are on the right path for yourself and for Jonah. I am so glad you got the respite you needed,because you would not be able to give any more of yourself to Jonah’s needs if you did not get some soon!! I am sorry it took you being attacked to do so…..but whatever it takes I guess. I wish you all peace this Christmas…..and good things to come in the new year!!!! As always Love and Prayers to you all!!!
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So glad to hear that you are now home and feeling so much better after your ordeal. I wish you all a Happy and pain-free Christmas and a peaceful New Year. X
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Amy! You have no idea how much you touched me in the short few days we spent together. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well and are ready to take on the challenges you face every day. I think going to Four Winds was incredibly brave of you, as was going home to face your ordeals. Don’t forget to take care of yourself! I wish you a very peaceful Christmas and a bright and hopeful New Year. Love, your adopted daughter 🙂
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Amy, thank you for this recent post. I have been watching for an update from you. I am so glad to hear that you and Jonah have help and that you are finding some options for his longer term care. I will keep you and your family and all our families in my prayers.
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Amy,
I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss my “soul-sister” who loves to sing old showtunes, laugh and act “crazy when the craziness is just old-fashioned fun. I miss you, love you as a sister (yet another one!) and hope we will see each other again.
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Martie, I miss you too! And little Joanne, and everyone in our tight little group. I will e-mail you all soon and I hope to be able to see you “on the outside.” Thanks so much for visiting my blog! xoxoxo Be well soul-sister…
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