Did you hear they recently linked autism to obesity during pregnancy? I was a hundred pounds and 5 foot six when I got pregnant, so I guess I’m blowing that theory. I love the endless links. It’s almost like they are required by law to link something to autism at least once a week. It’ll be interesting to hear how Jonah did today because Venus is crossing the sun and won’t do it again until 2117; it’s been a weird day for me and a bunch of my co-workers too.
Tomorrow I’ll give you my doctoral dissertation about Venus’ crossing the sun, and how that, too, is now linked to autism.
But I don’t mean to make fun of autism research. I’m afraid we’re in the infancy of figuring it all out, though.
Or maybe tomorrow in the newspaper I’ll read they’ve been testing some new non-drug behavioral therapy on children and guess what? it has led each and every one of them out of anxiety and confusion into a place where they feel more comfortable in our fucked up neurotypical world. Is that the right thing to hope for?
I just want Boo to be at peace with his environment and the people in it. That’s about it. I want him to be happy. I’m not asking for him to take a pill and turn into a “normal” kid. I just want his demons exorcised, the violence gone, the aggression vanished. There really isn’t a way to describe how I feel, except very small and very helpless. It makes me want to gather up every brain cell I’ve got and go get a Masters degree in Autism Spectrum Disorders or Applied Behavioral Analysis, and take all this shit on my own self. Yeah. That’s gonna happen.
Jonah’s been good some days and then suddenly bad, throwing his plate, screeching, and shouting. I wish I could see at least some of his day, as if on TV. I want to know what he does and what he says, what he makes in art class and whether or not he manages the cafeteria. Does he run ahead of the other kids or stay with the pack? Does he laugh hysterically while throwing puzzle pieces all over the room? Do they hug him? Does he run happily to people and want to snuggle? Does he hurt people, and how bad is it when he does? Does he get lonely? Does he think about his mama the way I think about him?
I don’t want him to miss me.
And I don’t like this “transit of Venus” day. It feels weird. I’m even writing weird.
Jonah loves his daddy so much. I never doubted Andy would be a uniquely amazing dad to some lucky kid.
Jonah’s that lucky kid.
Now I’m going all stream-of-consciousness and I don’t want to… sorry for the drift-off.
“I know of nobody who is purely autistic or purely neurotypical. Even God had some autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin.” ~ Jerry Newport