And there, on the grass next to a green fire hydrant, was the little red metal wagon my mom had gotten him for his first birthday. I stood for a moment and stared at it, wondering why Jonah freaked out and how Andy managed to get him home – and how many neighbors are wondering exactly what kind of freakish folk we are.
Archive for May, 2011
empty red wagon
Posted in autism, behavior, grandma, placement, swimming, trains, Uncategorized, tagged American Bulldog, concussion, Houdini, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Loritabs, Morphine on May 30, 2011 | 2 Comments »
hard times
Posted in autism, behavior, tagged depression on May 26, 2011 | 4 Comments »
“The bedroom breathes
In clicks and clacks
Uneasy heartbeat, can’t relax…”
something fishy
Posted in Anderson School, autism, behavior, doctor, placement, Springbrook, The Center for Discovery, Tradewinds, Uncategorized, Wildwood, tagged 1984, Aldous Huxley, Brave New World, Fish Oil, George Orwell, omega-3 on May 19, 2011 | 6 Comments »
The residential schools don’t have safe rooms. They have the staff and capability to handle whatever is happening right then and there, ostensibly. I don’t know. One even toilet trains the kids immediately. It’s all done with ABA, something I was never really on board with, but now I question my stance. All the residential schools we’ve toured use it. It works. My problem with ABA was formulated in 2006, when Jonah was 4. It also came with the hope/assumption that Jonah was going to be higher functioning (and certainly not aggressive) than he turned out to be. I thought, if taught through ABA, he’d be a robot…trained to act, speak, and look normal. It seemed horrifying to me. Something Orwellian, or out of Brave New World.
please & thank you
Posted in autism, placement, Springbrook, Uncategorized, tagged great blue heron, motherhood, Springbrook on May 15, 2011 | 5 Comments »
Jonah will not be bruising, kicking, scratching, hitting, biting, or grabbing our glasses anymore.
It’s as much of a mind-trip as it is a real chance for our boy to get better. It’s time to try to begin to attempt to absorb it all. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I can’t. I have to. I’d rather they take him next week, or never. It’s too long to wait. It’s not long enough. Please don’t take him. Please take him.
Please, please love him.
this is how it feels to have a broken heart
Posted in Anderson School, autism, Springbrook, tagged Four Winds, Guster, Springbrook, The Anderson School for autism, This is How it Feels to Have a Broken Heart on May 13, 2011 | 6 Comments »
Now it’s real, and I am a wreck. I have researched and taken notes and gone into a state of mind where it is all objective – it was a project on which to work very hard. Now the project is over and I am back in the subjective and it is real. It is real and I have a countdown; it feels like the doomsday click is cticking and I feel very very dangerously frighteningly close to how I felt the day I admitted myself to Four Winds.
buddha’s tulip
Posted in Anderson School, autism, Springbrook, Tradewinds, Wildwood, tagged Buddha, impermanence, The Anderson Center for Autism on May 10, 2011 | 5 Comments »
To stop the surreal from sifting its way too deep into my head, I watch out the windows instead at the calm blue sky, the gentle sunshine – the new green leaves and almost-past-full-bloomed tulips – - like Buddha’s tulip.
Impermanence indeed.
groundhog day
Posted in autism, behavior, grandma, tagged Bill Murray, Groundhog Day, Phil Connors, risperdal, Zyprexa on May 8, 2011 | 3 Comments »
He’s on a new med again – Zyprexa, while continuing with the Risperdal. It’s only been a couple of days but so far there isn’t any improvement. As usual. Round and round we go….one day mushing into the next, a routine of events that makes me so tired I could sleep for 100 years.
my 100th post mother’s day mystery
Posted in Uncategorized, Wildwood, tagged 100 posts, A Little Princess, flowers, Frances Hodgson Burnett, gratitude, mystery, Sara Crewe on May 5, 2011 | 8 Comments »
Dear Momma,
Thank you for all that you do for me. Thank you for train rides, moneycoin, waterfalls, trips to Grandma’s, peanutbutterrolls and too many other great things you do for me (and with me) to mention! You are the best momma any kid could ask for and I love you soooo much! All done.
- Love, Jonah Boo
the deep songs
Posted in autism, singing, singing, tagged Guster, Keep it Together on May 4, 2011 | 5 Comments »
Guster is coming to town tonight and of course I am going – I’m so excited I wrote them an e-mail and also tweeted to them, inviting them to lunch.
Boy, am I a geek or what?! (rhetorical question)
