Some of our boy is back, now that we’ve got Jonah taking the original dose of Risperdal again, for fear of attempting yet another med or dosage that’ll throw him all out of whack. It’s a strange thing to try this and that, feeling like you’re guinea-pigging your child, especially since you used to think you were anti-meds. Desperation will bring you places you thought you’d never see.
After work I often go the house, and Andy and Jonah and I will take a ride to go see train, which Jonah enjoys again and seems to get excited about, but if a train takes too long to come along or we take a right when he wanted to go left, we pay for it in kicks and thrown shoes, screams and thrashing and incomprehensible demands. It’s a trade off; we can have some of his personality and smiles back but the aggressions still aren’t mitigated very well.
But ah, the smiles…
They’re sweet, the smiles, and damn it he’s in there, the kid who swims and climbs and pours wood chips down the slide. It’s great when the cloud of aggression parts and you see him smiling, playing, singing, joyful. Even just calm, eating or watching train-on-TV.
He’s my precious little boy, and I want to snatch him up and plant kisses all over him, have him open his arms wide and hug me, say I love you, mama – hold him close, snuggle into him on the couch, sniff deep into his hair and simply absorb the presence of him.
Springbrook hasn’t contacted us yet, so we’re waiting. From Thursday through Sunday I’ve got a lot to do during long days at our annual spring convention at work, so I’ll be back after that’s all over. It’s fun but exhausting, and I’m presenting a session this year so I’m a little bit nervous.
Please send Andy some “you can do it” energy, if you will. My mom will try to help him, or at least feed both he and Jonah, and my cousin D will hopefully help too – but trust me it won’t be an easy weekend for him and I hope Jonah doesn’t give him a hard time.
Once in a while Andy’s got to catch a break, right?